There was a very interesting article in SvD on the weekend as a prelude to the Swedish annual Book Fair that starts this week. Three books are due to be released in the next couple of months, by three women about three women who have fled their own domestication.
Ironic that this article and these books come at a time when Anna Anka is making headlines and filling the online forums, debate sites and article comments. The rest of the world probably doesn’t know who Anna Anka is but here in Sweden she is blowing up a storm with her traditional opinions about the role of men and women.
Picture: The Local
"Swedish dads are tragic with all their nappy-changing and equality. A real American man panics if he is alone with a child for more than 20 minutes. American dads do not prepare dinner and do not iron, they work and provide for their families."
In return for economic security provided by their husbands, wives in the US always act with consummate style, Anka claims.
"As a housewife you should support in every way, you should always be attractive and well-dressed."
"Sexually it is the woman's responsibility to ensure that the man is satisfied, if she does not then she only has herself to blame if he is unfaithful," Anna Anka explains.
It is like waving a red flag to a bull considering Swedish couples are known to be perhaps the most egalitarian in the world. In just three days Anka went from being an unknown to the most discussed woman on the web, getting the attention of leading politicians, editorialists and hundreds of bloggers.
At the opposite end of the scale is the Swedish term Bitterfittan, a term I don’t even want to translate. Bitter has the same meaning in English and you can check this site for your own translation. It is about the bitterness of being a woman, and all that it entails and was coined after Maria Sveland’s novel, self-biography, report on identity, sexual socialisation and equality where she asked one of the most important questions: How can we ever achieve greater equality if we can’t even manage it in our closest relationships? Maria writes about 30 year old Sara, her dream of love and her realisation that she had been deceived by the myth of love. A myth that leads to family and that then drains women of energy as they sink into some sort of domestic hell.
When Bitterfittan was released in 2007 it too hit the headlines, stirring up debate and discussion. It was later adapted to the stage and has left us with a term to describe the bitterness felt by women, wives, mothers.
Viktoria Myrén’s debut novel I en familj finns inga fiender (There are no enemies in a family) is about Marie and her escape to her grandmother’s old house in the country. She leaves an angry husband and screaming children behind her and contemplates whether or not she could leave her children, forever. It is a novel about four generations of women and what they have inherited, without even realising it. It is about the difficulties and the pleasures of parenting and about one day walking away from all responsibility because you can’t take it any more. It is a novel that asks some of the most important questions regarding the parental role, about being a couple and about the nuclear family.
Sara Kadefors’ latest novel is called Borta bäst (Away is best) - a play of words with the Swedish equivalent to home sweet home). Sara writes about Sylvia, who left her daughter, her husband and her house to live in her car until she could run no longer. She goes back to her family, to her old life, to the person she was and comes to the conclusion that she can only appreciate the concept of the nuclear family once she has left it.
Sånt man bara säger (Things that you just say) by Helena von Zweigbergks is about a woman who runs away from her husband and his three children with thoughts swirling in her head about whether or not she should protest more. Should she fight for togetherness, for cohesion?
Karin Nykvist, in her review of I en familj finns inga fiender, says that women like Marie and Sara are not alone. She believes that books like this show Generation X’s biggest problem – that they believe that Pippi’s krumelurpiller (magic pills that stop you from growing up) are real. Generation X was the first that were brought up to believe they could do anything they wanted and that the question was often asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” No one ever said anything about being a mother and taking responsibility. Consequently we are now seeing a series of books about women who feel tricked because they can’t just think about themselves for the rest of their lives.
Myrén thinks that the theme of women running permanently from their children is so taboo that we pretend it doesn’t exist. Maternal instincts are expected in women, and they are expected to over-ride all else, at least in those of us who choose to be mothers. Whilst I cannot imagine ever leaving my children forever I can’t help but empathise with these women and their stories and I’m curious to read both Bitterfittan and the three novels soon to be released. Especially in light of Karin Nykvist’s conclusions about my generation and our expectations of life.
I ran away myself on Saturday and headed out to a barn in the country. Nestled behind a beautiful manor, by the water, surrounded by rolling hills covered in forest. It was a divine place to escape to. I lived someone else’s life, watching their romantic wedding unfold on a glorious September day, making everything look spectacular and run perfectly, helping them realise their dream. I worked for friends and it was blissful. I was away. Away from two kids at home, one sick the other restless, away from the mealtimes, the bath time, the bedtime and all the squabbles and bickering of a normal day in family life. It was so refreshing, so welcomed. Why didn’t I take my toothbrush?
So what can we do so that Marie, Susanne, Silvia and myself don’t want to run away forever? Equality is one answer. Sveland’s question is just as relevant in these stories as in her own: How can we ever achieve greater equality if we can’t even manage it in our closest relationships?
The SvD article author Lina Kalmteg makes an interesting conclusion in wondering if we will see more of the we-hate-family-life-literature about claustrophobic young families in the future, or if women will be satisfied with the sort of suburban housewife lifestyle of Swedish Hollywood Wives. Alternatively we might see a whole new wave of novels in years to come – about women who have avoided both husband and children in their endeavour to be neither a Bitterfittan, nor an Anna Anka.
As for me, I think its time to plan a weekend away with the girls!!
